1. Don’t answer the phone, especially if it‘s an unlisted number. A classic strategy in the annals of debt avoidance. Simply put, if you don’t acknowledge a debt it isn’t there. Debt stays on our credit report for what 10 years? Yet every time we acknowledge our national debt, every time Fox news puts up the new number and blames it on President Obama or MSNBC blames it on former president Bush, the clock starts again. So we need to turn off the debt clock, stop talking about it and take those bills China sends us and put them right to the shredder.
2. Pawn it. When the people are broke and can’t pay the rent, what do we do? We don’t cry and threaten people with missiles, we don’t use fuzzy math and borrow money from countries with less money than we have. No, the American people are proud, resourceful, ingenious, anything but frugal. When a normal person is behind on the rent and can’t pay the light bill we look to the pawn shop. Just think of how many things we have in the US that we don’t actually use, all that revenue just sitting there waiting to be sold to the highest bidder. Imagine how much we could get for the bridge to nowhere, and do we really need a Washington and Jefferson monument? Can’t we just sell one and rename the other the Jeff Wash Monument. While we’re at it, don’t we have enough states as it is. I mean, isn’t 50 plus territories a little greedy. Surely we could sell a couple of states. We have states that we’re hardly even using, I’m looking at you North Dakota.
3. Send checks to the wrong country. What do we the people do when we are a little behind? Maybe it’s a few days until payday and we don’t actually have the money in the account. Do we cry? Do we call the other country and beg for an extension? Just like ingenious Americans have been doing for decades, we write checks and deliberately put them in the wrong envelopes. Take China’s check and put it in Saudi Arabia’s envelope. It will take what, 4 or 5 days to get there? By the time they figure out that they’ve received the wrong check we’ll have thought of something else to do. And when they call, see #1.
4. Sell citizenship to the highest bidder. Let’s face it, there are some countries out there that are massively overpopulated and full of people just dying to get into the good old USA. We have plenty of room. If you disagree I urge you go and look at cities like Detroit and Buffalo, NY. In these cities and in other urban areas all across the country we have whole neighborhoods that are boarded up and just sitting there. With all of these houses out there we have no reason for people to be homeless, but since we are not using the houses to end our own social problems, I say we use them to end the problem of over population in other countries and get paid while we’re at it.
5. Branding Rights. We have to look no further than the world of sports to see how lucrative selling branding rights can be. Every year these rights bring in billions of dollars in revenue, with companies just lined up to hand over cold hard cash. Think about it, now your favorite parks can be branded, instead of visiting Yellowstone, you can visit Google’s Yellowstone, instead of visiting the Grand Canyon you can take in the wonders of our world wonder brought to you by your friends at Coca Cola. And how about national monuments? You want a picture of yourself smiling between Roosevelt and Lincoln on Mt. Rushmore, no problem, but it will cost you. You want the Statue of Liberty to wear a sweatshirt from your favorite college team, absolutely, as long as you can pay. This is America after all, the land of the free, the home of brave and ingenious people dedicated to liberty and most importantly to the tried and true principles of a capitalist economy.
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